I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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