Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
