Say something about gay babies.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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