I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
