You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
