here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
