He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just high enough for therapy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
