I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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