There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
