After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
