Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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