I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
