I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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