Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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