laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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