I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
