I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
