Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
