i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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