I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
