i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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