sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
