Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
