I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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