Midget sex pt 2 tonight
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
