i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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