we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So squirting runs in the family.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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