In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
