I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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