Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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