I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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