Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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