just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
