hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
