Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
