It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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