If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
