I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
