The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
