Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
