My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
