Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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