Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
