I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
