In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
