Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
