Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
