if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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