College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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