i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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