I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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