she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
