my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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