why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
